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| My Wife's Affair |
True Story:
Two months ago, the 9th of December, it’s been eight years since I have adopted my wife's affair child. It was not an easy road, more like a long life changing quest, here is my story.
My name is Jim, my wife is Claire. We are both 46 now, married at 26 divorced at 32. We always knew each other, Claire lived in the house next to mine, and our parents are still neighbours to this day.
As expected, we were high school sweethearts and lost our virginity to one another. We went to different colleges, but maintained a healthy semi long distance relationship. I called that a semi long distance, because we live in a big city and our college was less than an hour drive and our homes were about thirty minutes from our respective college. We were lucky, we both have a car, so we were able to study in college while staying at our parent's home and still be together about twice per week and on weekends.
We graduated 4 years later, me from civil engineering and her from nursing. We moved out of our parent’s home and together right after graduation. It was her idea to do it that fast; she found work immediately and was confident that she could support us financially while I attend my advanced degree.
Everything worked fine, I finished my masters in the next two years and we got married right after. I found a job in an engineering firm and we started making babies. Jimmy Jr arrived the year after and Annie my daughter one year after Jimmy.
We had the picture perfect life, the perfect children, and the perfect house in the suburb. I have it all, I love my wife, I love my work, we don't have money problems and our families blend so well that we don't make distinction between her uncles and cousins and mine.
The earthquake that shattered my life happened in our 6th year of marriage. Earlier in the year, out of the blue, my wife quit her job at the hospital, saying that she wanted to dedicate herself to being a wife and a mother. It surprised me, she was a great mom, not having problems with balancing job and personal life and she had just received a promotion two months earlier as a critical material chain distribution specialist. Anyway, I was happy to be able to give her the opportunity to be a SAHM. She became pregnant 3 weeks after.
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Fast-forward a few months, little Jimmy was 5 years old and Annie 4, Claire was 7 months pregnant. We were expecting a daughter and were excited to have a third child. It was a Saturday; I was on the computer, paying bills, while Claire was out shopping with our kids, when I received a strange Email. It was addressed to Claire, but on our family Email. It was from a law firm, they said that she will receive a legal notification letter later during the day. The subject of the Email was ''Alienation of Affection lawsuit''.
I was frozen, not processing what I have just received. There must have been a mix-up; they cannot be talking about my wife. I just stay there, mortified, waiting for the legal letter and hoping it arrives before my wife does, so I will have time to read and process it.
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| The moment my world stopped. One letter, two pages, and a truth I wasn't ready to face |
Matter of letter:
The letter arrived about an hour later, it was not via a delivery service, it seemed like somebody from the law firm or some kind of private server, anyway, I decided to open the envelope.
It was from an attorney representing the wife of a doctor working at the same hospital as my wife. According to the letter, the wife had filed for divorce against her husband and named my wife in the filing. The letter also informs my wife that she will face an alienation of affection lawsuit.
I was destroyed; my life was shattered into pieces, all my perfect life was a lie. It makes sense now why my wife felt the need to quit her job.
When they came home, I acted normal, fixed dinner with my wife and put the kids to bed. After about half an hour I verified that they were sleeping and asked my wife to come with me to our home office. I closed the door and handed her the letter. She started to read and immediately started crying, then dropped the letter and tried to hug me, sobbing and saying ''Please forgive me Jim, you have to forgive me''.
The Hidden Cost of Betrayal: How Infidelity Eventually Destroys the Cheater's Peace
I tried to push her back, saying that she needed to keep it down to not wake up the kids. She kept hugging me while crying, I tried again to gently push her away but she wouldn't let me go. In the end, I just let her cry on my chest for probably half an hour.
I finally told her to release me and explain to me what happened. She released me and again started to cry saying ''Jim I'm sorry for what I have done,, you have to forgive me, it was a onetime mistake, it will never happen again, I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you
Stop! I replied, I want you to explain to me your story, make the emphasis on when, how and why!
She told me that it was on her last business trip in Massachusetts. They have to audit a new supplier for some of their products. Due to a huge ice storm, she and the doctor she was traveling with were stranded overnight at Hampton inn at the Logan airport. I knew exactly what she was talking about, I remember the day, the nasty weather, all flights were cancelled, she left at 8 AM and was supposed to be back the same day, but she was forced to stay the night. A pit on my stomach began, that was 7 months ago.
She continued saying that most of the businesses were shut down and the hotel was nearly empty. They decided to move to the bar, order dinner there and had many drinks.
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| Her Cover Story |
According to her, they were just killing time, with nothing to do and nowhere to go. They stay at the bar for about 5 hours, from about 5:30 PM to 10:30PM. She said she only had 1 drink and 3 glasses of wine. Maybe she was a little tipsy, but far from drunk.
While they were paying their tab and leaving the bar, he asked her if she want to have a few more drinks in his room, she responded no, she is tired and will go straight to bed,
Later, while they were moving in the direction of the elevator, he said that the company they have audited was outstanding and he was looking forward to presenting their quality agreement to the board, he then asked her if she got a physical copy for him to review. She responded that she had a spare copy in her room and could certainly give him one.
She took him to her room, she said that he stood at the doorway maintaining the door open, she walked over and gave him the document and he grabbed her and kissed her. She said she was stunned but instead of resisting, as she should have done, she kissed him back and they went inside the room.
After the act, she said that they both recognised the terrible mistake that they have done, they feel terrible saying that they both love their spouses and should have never done such a thing to them.
After the doctor left the room, my wife said she had a meltdown. She took a two hour bath, douche profusely and cried all night. She immediately decided that she would resign when she arrived. I definitely remember that she returned exhausted from her flight, and decided to resign. She again told me, sobbing to forgive her and give her a second chance.
During all the discussion, I tried to stay calm and stoic, but I was angry when I told her that according to her story the child she is carrying might not be mine. I could not forgive treason like that.
She froze, realising for the first time the possibility. That's not possible she said, it's your kid. I was with him only one time, took a long bath and multiple douches right after. I was with you every day, since we were trying for our third child.
My Decision:
I told her that I want a paternity test done for the unborn child. If the baby is mine, maybe we can figure out a way to stay married for the sake of the kids, but I want to be clear, you have destroyed the love we share, I don't feel anything for you anymore and I will never need your body.
This statement sent her ballistic, she collapsed on her knees and started sobbing louder, but I was not finished, I told her to keep it down, be careful not to wake up the kids. I continued saying that if the paternity shows the unborn baby is not mine, she will immediately be moving to her parents and I will file for divorce. She eventually calmed down a little and told me that she will do anything to stay married and not lose me.
I reply that we will not tell the children right now, but we need to tell our parents tomorrow. She started again crying, begging and sobbing, begging me not to make her do that, but I was adamant. They need to know what is going on.
Next day I called my parents to let them know that me and Claire had something important to tell them and ask them if they are available today. My mom told me to come right now, my sister is there with her husband and their two boys, so if we want to bring the kids it's ok. Claire had already called her parents, so we went just after my call. We parked in her parent's driveway. I noticed that my sister's car was still in my parent's driveway, so I told Claire that there is no need to do this twice, wait for me in the car, I will leave the children with my sister and come back with my parents.
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When I returned with my parents, Claire and her parents were at the door waiting for us. They welcome us in and we all sit at the kitchen table. By the look on their faces, they knew it was gonna be a painful conversation.
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| She cried and begged |
I told them everything; my wife was crying all the time, saying she's sorry and remorseful of her action and will do anything to save our marriage and our family.
Our parents couldn't believe what they were hearing. They were ashamed and disappointed by Claire and visibly upset about the whole thing.
Soft Mother Heart:
My mother was the first to ask if there is a way to save what we have, after all it was a onetime mistake, not an affair. My mother in law continued as if on cue, asking me if I could find a way to forgive Claire and move past that, after all, it was not intentional cheating, more a crime of innocence.
I was beginning to say no, but my mother start again, saying that we can tried counselling to see if it work,
my mother in law continued saying that we love each other and were chosen by destiny to be soul mates. Our two families knew each other long before Claire and I were born, and from the beginning we loved each other. I cannot break something sacred like that for a one time mistake.
Enough! I almost yelled. It was not a mistake; it was a series of bad choices. I continued yelling,
First, you don't go to a bar or to dinner one on one with another man when you're a married woman. Even if it is innocent in your mind, it may not be innocent for the other man.
Second, you don't take multiple drinks and stay for 5 hours on that dinner. Ok, Claire was stranded, and may not have another option to eat, but it certainly does not have to look like a date. If it's only dinner, you should eat fast, maybe take one glass of wine and leave, that's it. One hour max. No confusion, no mixed signals.
Third, as a married woman, you never go to your room with another man. It was clear that the doctor wanted an excuse to get her to his room or get to her room. After rejecting his offer of late night drinks, she should have guessed that asking for the physical copy was an excuse. She should have responded that she's tired and will get him the copy in the morning. If he insisted, she could say something like go to your room, I will come with the copy later. She could just put the copy at the door, knock and leave before he responded.
Of course, the other bad choices lead directly to the unfaithful act, kissing back the guy, letting him into the room, letting him hit it raw and letting him unload inside. She could have stopped at any time, she could have remembered that she had a husband and two kids, but no.
Worst of all, the child she's caring, might not be mine and she would never have told me herself. I don't see how I can stay married after such a betrayal.
Nobody added anything after that. I told them that I want a paternity test on the unborn baby. I will not make any drastic move at the moment. If the baby is mine, we probably will figure out some arrangement to stay married and live in two different rooms. It is bad for us, but will be better for the unborn baby and for our kids. But if the baby is not mine, Claire will be immediately moving with her parents and I will start the divorce procedure.
DNA Test Time on Monday:
The next day, a Monday, we called her OB GYN clinic for a DNA test, it was scheduled for the next Wednesday and the result could take 5 to 10 days. After that, I scheduled an urgent meeting with my lawyer. He was a corporate lawyer and couldn't help me, but pointed me to someone from his firm that specializes in divorce and family law. He was an older dude, calm and confident. He immediately understood my situation and recommended that we start with the paperwork right now. We could proceed when I give the go or no go depending on the result of the DNA test. He also recommended that I file a legal challenge of paternity, because in my state, it doesn't matter if you sign or not the birth certificate, you will be defaulted as the father, just because you are married to her.
The next two week were hell, my wife was a mental mess, and to be honest so was I. We were waiting for the DNA test, and the stress was eating us alive. We were still sleeping in the same bed, no intimacy, but she was attached to me all night. I let her, I even held her to sleep. I still have some feelings for her, but I will never take her back. The last few days have shown me that I will not be able to live with her, no matter if the unborn baby is mine or not. I know what I will have to do, it will be hard, but I will do it.
On Thursday, the day after the DNA test, she was contacted via E-mail by the law firm representing the wife of the doctor she had an affair with. They requested that she come in voluntarily to have a discussion with them. They said that it would be considered favourably by her AP’s wife in the possible alienation of affection case. She called them back, explaining that it was not an affair, it was only one time and she doesn't think they can learn more from her. After her call, she asked me what I think she should do. I told her this is not my problem, she should consult an attorney. She then asked me if she could use the attorney I had chosen Monday. I told her she couldn't and couldn't use the firm because they were representing me.
She then asked me if I would accompany her to the meetings with potential attorneys and to the law firm of the doctor's wife. I responded that definitely would not, she created this mess, she had to deal with it. She retreated to the bedroom crying.
The next week, we were expecting the result of the DNA test, the day the result was coming in, I didn't want the kids to be part of the drama or be a witness of any part, so we moved them to my parent's house for the night.
I was not the father of the baby she was carrying...My wife ran upstairs to our room, threw herself on the bed crying. I was devastated. I was expecting the result but having it in hand confirmed it was a gut punch, I didn't know that I could be hurt more than I already was, but I was.
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| Some alone time |
I just grabbed my keys and phone and took off with my car. Ten minutes later Claire called me, still crying, asking me where I was. I told her that I just need to be alone to refocus. I return home 30 minutes later. Just before entering, I called her mom and dad, to tell them the bad news, and ask them to come help Claire to move back with them.
When I opened the door, Claire was a total mess, she was hysterical and having a breakdown. She was hugging me with all her strength, crying hysterically. Her mom and dad arrived 15 minutes after. She calmed down a little and went to our room with her mother to pack.
The Forgiveness Act:
Before leaving, she took me apart and begged me, saying if there is anything she can do for me to forgive her, or is there any way she can remain in our home in the meantime.
I told her that it is the best thing to do for the children, to shield them from the drama. She responded that there will be no drama. We had a good marriage and she was a great wife and mother before the incident and after also.
I responded that her reasoning didn't make sense, it's like a bank robber saying to the judge that he doesn't deserve prison because he was a good citizen before the robbery and also after the robbery.
She told me then, that if it means losing me, she will terminate the pregnancy.
-Are you out of your mind, I responded. You are 7 months pregnant! You're carrying a full grown baby. I continued calmer, your baby is a little angel, an innocent being that had nothing to do with the mess you and your AP created. He deserved to have a chance to live.
She immediately backtracked, saying she could never do that, but she meant, giving the child up for adoption.
I responded that she should discuss that with the baby's father, not with me.
She fires back angrily that she will never talk to her AP again, the only man whose opinion she cares about is mine.
I told her that adoption can be a great gift for any couple wanting a baby but not able to conceive. But for the biological mother, it's always hard and something she will regret in the future. I think that you will eventually regret that and it will not save our marriage.
She responded that she will have the baby, raise it and never ask that I support or interact with the child unless I want to.
I think it's the best for your child, I responded. There is something I don't understand Claire, why did you do it? You made some bad choices leading to infidelity, but the crucial moment was when he kissed you. Why did you cheat on me?
Claire said she only loved me and I was the only man in her life. She would never cheat on me, but she was trapped in a no win situation.
The Betrayal Act Story:
She continued saying that she's only a nurse working in the critical material distribution chain logistics, not even a director. He was a doctor and a member of the board of directors of the hospital. She had no idea that an important man like him could be interested in someone like her.
So when he kissed her, she was stunted and didn't know how to react. He was her superior, she didn't know how to push him away, so the muscle memory kicked in and he had his way with her. She cannot say it was abuse, but it was some sort of coercion. She was not in a position to say no.
It was like a ton of sadness came down on me all at once. I did believe her, but for me it did not make any difference, I will not raise another man child. At least with her confession, I didn't hate her anymore.
I told Claire to leave now, take a good night's sleep, we will discuss more tomorrow, I still have to call my parents. Right after she left, I called my attorney to give him the green light to move forward with the divorce. I then went to my parent's house to talk to them and take my kids. I gave the kids a sanitised version, saying that mommy needs rest and will stay with grandma and grandpa until she has the baby.
In the following days, she went with her mother and an attorney to meet the lawyer of her AP's wife. She called me after the meeting, saying that the meeting was very difficult, but she's glad it happened. Her AP's wife agreed to drop the alienation of affection in exchange for a sworn Affidavit of her admitting to the affair and her pregnancy, which they didn't know about, but were more than happy to find out.
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| The silence in the room was heavy |
She also told me that there were two other folders on the attorney's desk, which means that she probably was not the only one. She then told me that when she entered, the wife's attorney had a folder in his hand and greeted her using the name on the files. He quickly replaced it on his desk next to two other files, took the right one and greeted Claire again, using the right name this time.
I told her that she destroyed our love and marriage for a few minutes with a player. She was tricked, used, pumped and dumped by a creep. She began to sob and hang up. I know, I was an A hole to have said that, but I was mad at her for not being able to resist the creep.
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Claire was calling me all the time and messaging me daily, mostly to apologize, profess her love to me or beg for forgiveness. I only responded to messages concerning the children, which put her in a deep depression. Her parents were worried that she was going to lose the baby, as she wasn't eating or sleeping. They asked me for help so I decided to invite her to a small family restaurant we used to go to. It was not to rekindle something, I was thinking since she was not eating, the restaurant should do some good.
She looked drained, tired and skinnier. But she was cheerful, expecting some good news. At the end of the meal, I took her for a walk in the park. I told her, as gently as I could, that I will not be with her in the delivery room and that I would not be in her child's life in a parenting role.
I told her that I wanted her to take care of herself for her unborn baby and to be strong for our children. She responded that it is too much for her, she can only think of me and how she ruined everything. She only wants to throw herself in a dark hole and never come back.
I told her that even if she destroyed our relationship, she is still a great mom and a good person. Her kids and her future baby needed her to be strong, healthy and happy, They needed her and she could not let them down. She should focus all her energy to be a good mother and take good care of her to have a healthy baby.
She responded that she will do that for me. We hugged at her parent's door for 30 minutes, she did not let me go.
Court and Counselling:
The first earring was one month later. Claire fought hard for marriage counselling, she said that she never wanted the affair nor was unfaithful on purpose, that the AP was abusing his position as her superior. She presented a lie detector test to prove her statements. She had passed the test with flying colors of course, she would not present a failing test to the court.
The judge told her that her lawyer probably already told her that a lie detector is not admissible in court as proof and since we are in a no fault state, it doesn't change anything in the divorce. She said that it was done to show me that she was honest.
The second earring was one month later. By then, Claire had given birth to a baby girl she named Jessie. She told the judge that she didn't want anything, no alimony, no assets, nothing. I believed that she thought that giving up everything would demonstrate to me how much she loved me and it might help her get me back.
I responded to the judge that I want her to be able to raise my children properly, and it is only justice, since she was the primal bread winner in the first two years of our marriage. I propose that we sell the house, split the profit and split the savings 65/35, the contribution I have made during the marriage. Also, she should get some sort of child support and we should have 50-50 custody. In exchange, neither of us will not move more than 20 miles from our home.
The judge agreed to my recommendations, except for the child support. He said that since we will have 50-50 custody and my ex-wife will live at her parent's house, there is no need for child support. He then congratulated me for being honest, he said that was the first time he saw a spouse refusing a favorable settlement. He granted the divorce then turned to my wife and said that he can see that she still loves me and he thinks that I still have some kind of affection for her, but he cannot force me to stay in the marriage. Five months later, the divorce was finalised.
I had my kids Thursday to Monday, Claire had them Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. The adjustment for our kids was quite easy, they still have the love of their mommy and daddy and have two sets of grandparents living side by side.
They loved their new little sister, but they could not understand why I wasn't Jessie's father and why I never saw or held her. They both said that I would love her as she is so little and cute.
To be honest, it broke my heart hearing this from my children. I had to explain that Jessie had another Daddy who lives far far away.
By the way, my wife's AP never manifested once. He knew about the pregnancy and just vanished. His divorce was finalized just two weeks after ours. His ex-wife had gone full beast mode on him and took him to the cleaner financially. Also, he lost his house, his kids, his position at the hospital board and was in the process of losing his licence, which forced him to move out of state to practice.
Quick Summary:
Fast forward three and half years me and my kids were doing great and have adjusted well. The struggle I was facing in the betrayal of my wife and my divorce and were behind me. Claire on the other end, was not doing so great. After the divorce had been finalized, she fell again into depression. She was not bonding with Jessie and started to withdraw from our kids. By chance, my ex in-laws were there to help, as well as my parents. She had therapy 3 times per week during the year and half after our divorce. During this time she had several medications to help her regain her normal behavior. After that dark period, she was doing better, was back at being a great mom and started working at another hospital. My ex in-law told me once that she still considers herself my spouse, and the hope that we could still be together keeps her going.
She was still sending me long Emails 2 or 3 times per week, saying how much she loved me, how sorry she was and she is willing to do anything to have me back, including a FWB or an open relationship on my side only.
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| I stopped answering her texts |
I never responded to any of these messages and only communicated to her via e-mail, with very limited face to face meetings to exchange the children.
One day in late spring I planned to pick up my kids on a Wednesday to take them to the zoo for a special event. It was on a day they were with their mother, but we had good co-parenting and were flexible with custody. I went to her house to pick them up, she was still living in her parents' house, my kids ran outside and got in the car. I verify that they are buckled and was pulling out of the driveway, when my daughter yelled ''Look dad, there's Jessie!''
I looked up and saw this cute little girl, with curly blond hair standing at the edge of the driveway. She was waving to us with one hand and drying her tears with the other. My heart melted at this moment. My son then said that she was crying because she wanted to go with us. I stopped the car and told my kids to wait, I will go talk with Jessie.
I knelt down and asked her name and she said it was Jessie. I told her my name was Jim and asked why she was crying. She looked at me with her eyes still wet from crying and said that she wanted to go with me to the zoo. I responded ''You really want to?'' She said yes, I then asked her if I could pick her up to talk to her. She said yes, I picked her up very gently and asked her if she thought she could show me her pretty smile and she smiled a big smile with her perfect white baby teeth. My heart melted for the second time. I then said let's go ask Mommy if you can go with us.
You have to remember that I never saw Jessie other than some photos around the time of her birth almost 4 years ago. In the brief face to face contact with my ex-wife, I didn't mention her. She was my wife's affair baby and I have nothing to do with her and now...She stole my heart in 60 seconds. I didn't see her as the affair child, but as the sister of my kids.
I knocked on the door and my ex-wife came to answer, when she saw me with Jessie, she broke down crying, I just said that Jessie wants to go to the zoo with us, I'd like to take her if it's ok with you. She was pleased, had some tears of joy and went with me to remove Jessie's car seat from her car and transfer it to mine. She then asked Jessie to be a good girl and hogged her.
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When we were backing out, my son said ''Dad, this makes Mom very happy''. Claire was standing in the driveway, crying and waving at us, I was thinking that it started that way with Jessie, but now it is happy tears.
The kids were excited to have Jessie with us, my daughter said that she's a good girl and won't be any trouble, she will watch her herself. My son followed saying that she's really nice and I'm gonna like her. I like her already, I responded looking in the rear-view mirror. Jess gives me another big smile and my heart melts a third time.
We had a great time at the zoo, Jess was afraid of the animals, so I carried her the entire time, which I didn't mind. Normally I was supposed to keep the children, but I didn't talk about Jess. I didn't want her to feel left out, so I decided it is better to bring them all to their mother. I phone Claire to let her know, saying that I know it is last minute, she cut me off, asking if we have eaten. I said no and she invited me.
For the first time in 4 years I was in my ex-in-law's kitchen and it was effortless, I was happy to be there, they were happy to have me at their table, they even asked my parents to join in for dessert. It is strange, I was at my right place, as if time had no effect on our two families.
At the end of the night, I took Claire apart. I told her that I don't want Jess to be left out, I want her to be able to be with her siblings and spend time with them when they are with me. I asked her if she would be open to signing a form of custody agreement for Jess, something that said that I am not the father, but I have the authority to be with her.
Claire was thrilled and said that we didn't need a legal agreement, I could take Jessie whenever I wanted.
Even though she said this, I still had my lawyer draw a legal agreement and she quickly signed it. It was just a safety net in case things start to get nasty. I don't want to be put as the responsible father and I don't want any potential accusation of kidnapping a child.
The Turns:
So now I got Jessie, Jimmy and Annie Thursday to Monday morning and Claire had them Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.
Jess grew very attached to me and me to her, she would always sit next to me when we ate or watched TV, she wanted to hold my hand while walking or wanted me to carry her. She often chose to stay in the house with me when her brother and sister were outside to play.
We still have dinner at my parents or at my ex-in-law from time to time, and sometimes Claire comes with us for some small trips. It almost feels like we're a real family again.
In the early fall, I rented a small house by the lake, less than a 2 hour drive from our town. Claire came with us. It was an ideal weekend, sunny and warm. We walked in the woods with the children, with me carrying Jess, and we dive in the lake just after. We finished with homemade pizza on a wood fire oven. The kids fell asleep immediately. I stayed with Claire by the fireplace and She gave me a 3 page handwritten letter. I was surprised, since the first time I took Jess with us, she didn't send me any of the love, apologetic or pleading e-mail she was sending me every week for the last 4 years. She told me that this time, she wants to give it to me in person to be sure I read it. I told her that I always read her messages but didn't want to respond.
I read it in front of her, it moved me inside. It was very different from what she used to send, more a praise of us, of our love, of the way we were always together right from the start of our lives to the family we have created. She finished by saying that we were meant to be together and grow old together. She said that she knew that she had made some bad choices, which led to the bad event (I love that she didn't use mistakes this time). She took full responsibility for that and cannot forgive herself for hurting me and breaking our marriage, but she thinks that 4 years is a long time for a punishment, what if we rekindle our relationship?
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After reading I stay silent. She was waiting in expectation. She added that she hadn't dated anybody during that time, hadn't even looked at another man, I'm the only one she ever loved, ever wanted. I was still silent, she then said that she knew, from my parents, that I wasn't seeing anybody also and haven't been with anyone. I told her that it is true, but I have tried dating twice. The first time was 6 months after our divorce. I was not ready, it was not a good fit, so I left on the first date before the desert. The second time was two months after, I really wanted to move forward, so I dated her for 3 weeks. In the first week I knew she was not the one as she was interested in me, not in the kids, but I kept pretending for 2 more weeks. To my shame it was because I needed some intimacy, so in a way I have used her.
She looked devastated, with tears in her eyes and asked me why?
-Why what, I respond?
-Why did you go for her when I was offering you a FWB.
-We are divorced. You had betrayed me, our love was now tainted. I couldn't go back with you.
-Don't tell me that she was a virgin, so she is tainted also, she responded.
-She did not betray me, that's the difference and I was not with her for the long run.
She lost it, she was crying now, saying that she cannot live without my love and needed my touch. Why can I give her just my touch if I cannot love her anymore, so her life could be tolerable, why give that to another woman.
-I added calmly, Then you know now how I felt after your betrayal. This stops her crying instantly. She looked at me and fell into my arms, silently crying on my chest... We were intimate that night.
In the morning she was glowing, happy beyond measure while we had breakfast with our kids. I probably looked puzzled, because she said right after breakfast to let her have this moment of happiness, we could talk after the weekend if I want. The second night, we were intimate also. We left the lake house that day just before noon. The children were happy signing in the car with Claire. I was quiet. She touched my arm to reassure me, a gentle touch she used to do. A simple nothing, but it really shakes me to the core.
Clarity hit me then, I was still in love and was missing my connection with her. I loved my kids and I now loved Jessie. I could now see her only as the sibling of my kids, as a little girl that needed a father and I was a father that always wanted another daughter. I didn't know at that time if I was ready to move forward with that, I will have a lot of thinking to do.
Unfortunately I didn't have time to think. The Tuesday after our weekend trip, I had a work accident. I was doing the inspection of an old building renovation site. We had many problems of stability on the general structure, I was there to evaluate the next course of action. I was on a platform between two pillars when a support metal cable just snapped. I was swept off the platform by the force of the impact and fell hard into the ground.
It was a 12 feet fall, so the fall was not lethal, but the cable hit me in the abdomen, I had internal bleeding and had a colostomy. Also I landed on the left side and had a pelvic fracture, fortunately for me without bone shifting. I was in an artificial coma for 5 days and in bed and complete immobilisation for the next 3 weeks.
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| She took vacation time just to sleep on a folding bed next to me |
Claire was there with me at the hospital all the time. She took some vacation time to be there and was sleeping in a folding bed beside me. She is a nurse, so she was able to assist and be there for all the treatment.
When I woke up from the coma, the first face I saw was hers. Two days later I was strong enough to be sent home. I didn't know it at the time, but she had convinced the doctors that she would be there to take care of me all the time for the first month, and most of the time for my rehab. She rented some medical equipment and had them delivered and installed at my home.
Ending:
It was a never ending nightmare. In bed for 3 weeks, unable to put any pressure on the hip and in prime a colostomy bag. Claire was there with me showing love and devotion.
After three weeks, I was able to sit and move around with crutches but still not able to put weight on my bad side. She was there to assist and guide me. She showed me how to clean my stoma, drive me to physiotherapy, manage all my meds and do all the things in the house.
At the end of the fifth week, she told me that she took a 6 months sabbatical to be there for me. I told her that there will not be any sabbatical for our love anymore. The medical bed was gone, so we slept in the same bed that night and made love. Going very slowly and being careful.
I will spare you more detail about my convalescence, this post is long enough, just to say that 6 months after the accident, I was almost 100%. They have reversed my colostomy and I only have mild pain while walking.
Me, Claire and the children are back to being a family, with the addition of Jessie. After the difficult period of divorce, the rough time of my accident, we were now happy beyond belief. Not just Claire and me, all of us and especially Jessie. She was really meant to be my little girl, her soul was perfectly tuned to mine. I was not a religious person, but I really think that the soul of my future little girl was put in that body by god. The AP tried to steal that from me, but god saw that I could reclaim it.
Fast forward one and half year, Jess was 5, still in kindergarten. She came back with inscription paper to be filled for elementary school. She asked Claire if big Jimmy is her father (I am big Jimmy, her brother is little Jimmy). I didn't let Claire respond and said yes, you can tell your teacher that I am your father.
IMPORTANT:
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